Time to time I wonder if I ever get to do all the small things I have in mind..its at those moments I aimlessly make long lists of all things I want to do.. Every time I de-clutter my small apartment I come across at least one or two of these lists of things to do..
It was time to put a stop to this pointless list making . it was time to take some action.. so I picked one item off of my list. “I want my own garden”..
Garden.. !?!? In a top floor small apartment..!?!? And then………….. *epiphany*…!!!
it was not so long ago I had set my eyes on a miniature garden in a glass bowl – a terrarium.. !! In the couple days that followed I was fascinated by terrariums.. not only I had seen hundreds of pictures of them.. I had all the know hows of how to make one.. !
Finding all the things you need to make a terrarium while living in small rural town however, proved be almost an impossible task.. All I wanted was a small garden of cactus.. !! I must have talked a lot about this or something.. I was so lucky to get some cactus plants as a gift from far far away.. .. ! Once a month I visit my parents in the big city… which is when I do all my shopping.. but the weekend usually ends up being too short to shop for all my needs… so procuring process all the ingredients was a slow one..
Anyway long story short .. 2-3 months passed.. finally I was ready..!! I had everything I wanted.. !Hard day of work ..I was hungry …but didnt care.. I sat down and finished my terrarium..! I stepped back to look at it.. I was proud of my work.. It turned out way better than I expected.I proudly showed it to all my friends and family.. the compliments I got only made me happier..it was my pride and joy..
Every morning I started a habit of staring at it before I leave to work.. it reminds me … a long painful wait is only the time it takes for something great..!!
As couple weeks go by, I figured my apartment is highly due for a clean up… I was just dusting the stand that holds my terrarium….I dusted around it carefully making sure not to drop it.. maybe I was too careful… I don’t know .. the next few seconds were just a blurr… when I came back to my senses the terrarium was in pieces.. plants and stones and soil all over my freshly mopped floor…!! The surrounding sounded unusually quiet.. maybe I was in shock for a minute or two. It did really feel like I hit the rock bottom.. !!
What just happened.. ?!?!? Why does it always happen to me.. !?!? Was it cz I loved it too much..?!?!? those were the question I usually ask myself.. but today I had already decided I was going to be happy no matter what..
In a blink of an eye I find myself getting ready to go to the store..afterall all I needed was another glass bowl .. everything else was nicely laying on the floor…. Lucky enough glass bowls are not too hard to find.. even a in a small town like where I am… ! Soon as I got back from the store.. I sat down exactly like last time.. and within 10 mins Wola!!! its like its was never even broken.. !!
I hate short stories.. but I’m going to stop it right there.. !! I want to hope it was just a premature ending of a story that has a long way to go .. !! If you know what I mean… !?!?!
I was absent for a while…!! So the big move happened ..things took a different turn.. !! Usually even the thought of such a big change cripples me inside..but this time I knew I needed it. I needed a break.. I needed a new start… ! I just didn’t know what would be a good place to start…!! All I did was just wait..and it worked out for me this time..!! 🙂
Things changed..!! I was lost for a while.. I wasn’t sure what I should do next.. so I waited for a sign..! I have a habit of picking my own signs.. and naming an outcome that comes along with the sign..!! I wanted something magical ..something that said all is fine..and things are working out and all I had to do was just give it some time.. !!
Just a silly thought came to my mind and I knew the sign had to be locked down as nothing less than a magical “Rainbow”. I would drive to work and go for a walk.. my eyes would always wander around the sky.. !! Days turned to weeks and weeks tuned to months.. there was no sign of a Rainbow in sight. I blamed myself for being so naive and for being so silly as to look for rainbows in the sky.. !! I told myself.. this is real life.. rocks aren’t made of candy and clouds aren’t cotton fluff… so what the hell I’m doing searching for a rainbow in the sky.
By this time I had found a carpool and on the way home I was half way falling asleep. I remember it was a sunny summer day but the light drizzle made it chilly.. just enough to put anyone to sleep..The first guy got dropped off and the sudden change of rhythm woke me up for good this time.. !! The other guy in the car was saying something .. “check out the sky .. I got to take a pic to show my kids”… My sleepy eyes turned to the sky not knowing what was that all about.. !!
Only to see the “SIGN” the “RAINBOW” in the sky. a rainbow so broad covering half the sky.. nothing like anything I have seen before.. I was speechless and just knew things are fine..!! I turned around and watched until it was no where to be seen.. then settled back in the seat filled with hope and a smile on my face… The sun seeping through the light mist settling in.. made it feel like I am living in a fairy tale.. I looked up again and there it was .. so bright and colorful .. there was Rainbow #2…!! I wanted to cry I wanted to laugh.. I wanted to hold that moment for ever to be saved. So ladies and gentlemen there was the sign..!!
But just a reminder …like I said..the sign was meant to bring me an outcome.. I was hoping for a dramatic change.. I thought would go home and welcomed by the answer to my pain..!! It wasn’t that simple.. but I am still hopeful and I am feeling free as I can ever be..!! I am still waiting for all the answers and I just know its just around the corner.. !! Things will work out.. for everyone wants happiness no one wants pain..But you can’t have a rainbow without a little rain..!! 😀
Have you ever walked into a store and found a pair of jeans.. that fits perfectly and the color is exactly what you wanted..(lets say green…) and just as you turn around to head to the cashier .. u see the same in blue.. Equally appealing or maybe even better.. now that’s how dilemma strikes ..on a very normal day where nothing is out of the ordinary.. and everything is pretty much in order..!!
So at this point u’ve already narrowed it down to the type of jean I wanted, the fit and the color. and then the only thing I got to do is buy it, wear it, look good and feel better… !! Now why did that blue pair come in to ruin my perfect day.
What would do you do..? pretend you didn’t see it..? or just suck it up and make up your mind..?? or should you consider the second pair and try it out.. compare.. pick the better one..?
Now those are the questions you should ask .. to turn a simple thought into a hair pulling.. brain twisting dilemma.. !! Sad thing is .. all these thoughts do cross ur mind sometimes.. in the same world where poverty is beyond unimaginable levels.. and people die from hunger and lack of basic needs… where asking for freedom to make their own choice are explainable crimes or mere luxuries.. !!