Time to time I wonder if I ever get to do all the small things I have in mind..its at those moments I aimlessly make long lists of all things I want to do.. Every time I de-clutter my small apartment I come across at least one or two of these lists of things to do..
It was time to put a stop to this pointless list making . it was time to take some action.. so I picked one item off of my list. “I want my own garden”..
Garden.. !?!? In a top floor small apartment..!?!? And then………….. *epiphany*…!!!
it was not so long ago I had set my eyes on a miniature garden in a glass bowl – a terrarium.. !! In the couple days that followed I was fascinated by terrariums.. not only I had seen hundreds of pictures of them.. I had all the know hows of how to make one.. !
Finding all the things you need to make a terrarium while living in small rural town however, proved be almost an impossible task.. All I wanted was a small garden of cactus.. !! I must have talked a lot about this or something.. I was so lucky to get some cactus plants as a gift from far far away.. .. ! Once a month I visit my parents in the big city… which is when I do all my shopping.. but the weekend usually ends up being too short to shop for all my needs… so procuring process all the ingredients was a slow one..
Anyway long story short .. 2-3 months passed.. finally I was ready..!! I had everything I wanted.. !Hard day of work ..I was hungry …but didnt care.. I sat down and finished my terrarium..! I stepped back to look at it.. I was proud of my work.. It turned out way better than I expected.I proudly showed it to all my friends and family.. the compliments I got only made me happier..it was my pride and joy..
Every morning I started a habit of staring at it before I leave to work.. it reminds me … a long painful wait is only the time it takes for something great..!!
As couple weeks go by, I figured my apartment is highly due for a clean up… I was just dusting the stand that holds my terrarium….I dusted around it carefully making sure not to drop it.. maybe I was too careful… I don’t know .. the next few seconds were just a blurr… when I came back to my senses the terrarium was in pieces.. plants and stones and soil all over my freshly mopped floor…!! The surrounding sounded unusually quiet.. maybe I was in shock for a minute or two. It did really feel like I hit the rock bottom.. !!
What just happened.. ?!?!? Why does it always happen to me.. !?!? Was it cz I loved it too much..?!?!? those were the question I usually ask myself.. but today I had already decided I was going to be happy no matter what..
In a blink of an eye I find myself getting ready to go to the store..afterall all I needed was another glass bowl .. everything else was nicely laying on the floor…. Lucky enough glass bowls are not too hard to find.. even a in a small town like where I am… ! Soon as I got back from the store.. I sat down exactly like last time.. and within 10 mins Wola!!! its like its was never even broken.. !!
I hate short stories.. but I’m going to stop it right there.. !! I want to hope it was just a premature ending of a story that has a long way to go .. !! If you know what I mean… !?!?!
I was absent for a while…!! So the big move happened ..things took a different turn.. !! Usually even the thought of such a big change cripples me inside..but this time I knew I needed it. I needed a break.. I needed a new start… ! I just didn’t know what would be a good place to start…!! All I did was just wait..and it worked out for me this time..!! 🙂
Things changed..!! I was lost for a while.. I wasn’t sure what I should do next.. so I waited for a sign..! I have a habit of picking my own signs.. and naming an outcome that comes along with the sign..!! I wanted something magical ..something that said all is fine..and things are working out and all I had to do was just give it some time.. !!
Just a silly thought came to my mind and I knew the sign had to be locked down as nothing less than a magical “Rainbow”. I would drive to work and go for a walk.. my eyes would always wander around the sky.. !! Days turned to weeks and weeks tuned to months.. there was no sign of a Rainbow in sight. I blamed myself for being so naive and for being so silly as to look for rainbows in the sky.. !! I told myself.. this is real life.. rocks aren’t made of candy and clouds aren’t cotton fluff… so what the hell I’m doing searching for a rainbow in the sky.
By this time I had found a carpool and on the way home I was half way falling asleep. I remember it was a sunny summer day but the light drizzle made it chilly.. just enough to put anyone to sleep..The first guy got dropped off and the sudden change of rhythm woke me up for good this time.. !! The other guy in the car was saying something .. “check out the sky .. I got to take a pic to show my kids”… My sleepy eyes turned to the sky not knowing what was that all about.. !!
Only to see the “SIGN” the “RAINBOW” in the sky. a rainbow so broad covering half the sky.. nothing like anything I have seen before.. I was speechless and just knew things are fine..!! I turned around and watched until it was no where to be seen.. then settled back in the seat filled with hope and a smile on my face… The sun seeping through the light mist settling in.. made it feel like I am living in a fairy tale.. I looked up again and there it was .. so bright and colorful .. there was Rainbow #2…!! I wanted to cry I wanted to laugh.. I wanted to hold that moment for ever to be saved. So ladies and gentlemen there was the sign..!!
But just a reminder …like I said..the sign was meant to bring me an outcome.. I was hoping for a dramatic change.. I thought would go home and welcomed by the answer to my pain..!! It wasn’t that simple.. but I am still hopeful and I am feeling free as I can ever be..!! I am still waiting for all the answers and I just know its just around the corner.. !! Things will work out.. for everyone wants happiness no one wants pain..But you can’t have a rainbow without a little rain..!! 😀
It was one of those days .. After work I was really tired and my knee was killing me… Everything seemed a bit irritating and I was getting impatient.. the fact that I was stuck in a doctor’s clinic waiting room did anything but improve my mood. I tried reading the boring pamphlets but the long paragraphs felt like blobs of blahh….. As minutes turned to an hour I was starting to lose it.. I didn’t hear the usual voice in the back of my head telling me to calm down..!!
So… I got up and walked towards the receptionist…. just wanting to vent it out.. Then bam…..!!! This was up on the wall by the reception….. So I smiled at her instead…and said “looks like it’s a busy day ” !! She smiled back and said “you are the next one in line” 🙂
I’m glad I didn’t say anything.. It turned out not so bad after all..!!
Some times all you need is that one word or the friendly smile to get a break from your usual day today struggles..This did it for me (so yeah I did take a photo when the receptionist wasn’t looking :P).. Hope it will help someone else too.. !! Sometimes doing less does more than it seems.
So after my first few posts.. I kind of got into this blogging thing.. I like how it puts together what goes on in my head… so I can refer to it later..
Anyway.. I really wanted to write about something I LIKE.. nothing came to my mind ..
but just a while back … as I was going through pictures of one of my facebook buddies…. I was slammed with a sudden feeling of nostalgia.. I said to myself “what the hell am I doing here..!?!?!?.. I should be there.. ”
She was standing in the beach.. a cool/warm breeze blew her hair in such an effortless way… she has got tanned from the constant sun ..and looked really happy.. her eyes were smiling .. like to say I’m exactly where I should be !!!..the coconut trees added a perfect bit of greenery on the side…
While all this was going on I was stuck in a cubical at work.. didn’t know if it was snow or freezing rain outside.. (there are no windows close to wear my cubical is… ).. of course the cold and the winter darkness are highly expected..In my mind I was thinking “what the hell am I doing here.. !?!?!?”
So I miss the sunshine.. the cool breeze sweeping across the ocean… wearing light summary clothes…
Believe it or not.. as I was growing up in this beautiful island country of mine..before I moved to where I am now.. . I used to think “this damn sun … the salty tasting thick wind of the ocean.. the humidity.. and the traffic and all that… ” ….. And all that …is a bit out of a lot .. that I have taken for GRANTED.. !!
When I was a kid …every weekend or most free time we had.. going to the beach and playing in the sand and walking the waves.. and making sand castles … and counting ships that came to the shore as the sun sets in the background.. were some of our popular games.. …
I got bored.. all my friends got bored..everyone got busy with other things.. school… exams.. life.. we forgot all about the beach and the games we used to play… 10 years later.. I feel miserable thinking about it now.. I should have known better… !!! I should have spent more time at the beach.. listening to the sound of the waves and the traffic…!! Now beach is a luxury I can’t afford..
All I have now.. are the sea shells we collected from many trips to the beach …. which I held on to .. after all these years.. 🙂 I’m glad I did …. ….